if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
