Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
