Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize