Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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