I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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