I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
