i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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