is your mom at the bar?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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