Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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