so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
