There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
