I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Found the puke drawer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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