My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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