I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
