The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize