I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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