I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
