sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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