so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Brb crying the tears of my youth
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
