He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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