I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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