why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
