and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
