Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
