Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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