Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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