you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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