on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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