i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
