You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize