I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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