Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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