we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
PANTIES FOUND
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