i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize