You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
