he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I could make wine with my vomit
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
