My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
