You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
