im drinking this country out of the recession.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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