Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
