Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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