i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
