Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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