I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize