i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
