just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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