i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
