yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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