guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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