U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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