oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
