I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Come see our sink grown plant.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
