ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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