You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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