does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
