I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
