Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
