She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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