Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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