If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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