so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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