Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
