So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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