Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
