home. puking in laundry basket.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
