Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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