What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
