I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
