just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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