Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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