it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize