yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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