he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize