I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
