We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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